International Mail

Thursday was a good day for mail. I got my Passport, my acceptance letter from Arizona State University, an insurance reimbursement check, a new phone case I ordered from Etsy, and not even one single bill. Awww, yeah!

I have been wanting to get my Passport for YEARS now, but never had a good solid reason. I decided to get brave and go visit my sister since she's stationed in South Korea and I will never ever have another foreseeable reason to travel to South Korea. I have already bought my tickets and will be going at the end of June. The schedule worked out best around my work/school schedule, so I didn't think much of it, but apparently this is during the least desirable part of the year for travel to South Korea. I give zero craps about that because I'm sure we will have an awesome time no matter the weather. I am excited and also HIGHLY nervous because I've never gone out of the country before, except to Mexico when I was really young, so it doesn't even count! And if I were to travel to Mexico now, at least I could communicate somewhat since I know some basic Spanish. You think I know any Korean? Not so much. Maybe I'll make a little cheat sheet so I know how to say "I'm lost. Where is the airport?" and "I'm hungry." "Where is the bathroom? I need to poop." You know, the basics. Usually when something scares me, I just dive in and go for it, because being scared is lame, and adventures are thrilling, even if the very reserved and conservative part of myself has trembling hands.

And as for the ASU acceptance letter, there's another thing to be worried about! I have mentioned the safe cocoon I have built for myself at my local community college. It is time to move on, and no one in my immediate family has ever gone any further than high school, let alone a university, so I'm kind of flailing about, not sure how to maneuver this whole thing. My impression so far is not great; it's like they try to wring every cent possible out of you. For example, there was a $50 application fee (understandable), and a $100 fee for orientation if I want to go to that (which I think I should since I'm totally in the dark here), and my sister in law attended ASU and informed me that parking for a semester is over $200 (freaking ridiculous!), and that's just what I've come across in the month since applying. Who knows what other hidden fee garbage they will pile on? That kind of stuff really infuriates me. The worst part is, I HAVE TO do it if I want a degree, so I just have to suck it up, like all the other students. I propose a revolt! We shall blast Twisted Sister ("We're Not Gonna Take It"), paint our faces in a tribal fashion, and...you know, other protesting type behavior. We'll need a leader though, cause I'm gonna be too busy with work and school and trying to have a life in between. Or I could just take the easy way out and pay the ridiculous nickel-and-dime charges that should be free. Wimpy, but simpler! That's my new motto for 2013. ;)

Domesticated Felis Catus

I received the following text message from Richard yesterday:

"I put cat littler on the driveway where my truck was leaking oil yesterday. When I pulled into the driveway just now, Jari [our cat] was in the middle of the driveway pooping in the little pile of cat litter. I had to stop, let him finish pooping, collect the poop, throw it in the garbage can, then finish pulling into the driveway." Ah, the small hilarious moments of domestic life.

Belated Lazy Life Update

Every year on my birthday I promise myself that I'll make a PIES outline and post a birthday picture so I can go back and look at where I was on any particular year. I turned 28 on November 13th and haven't gotten around to it yet - this year and every previous year. It's time, damn it! "What is a PIES outline?" you may be asking yourself. My first semester at community college I took a PSY101 course and the professor had us each write a PIES, which outlines the Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Social aspects of ones life at a given point in time. Here goes!

Physical - I chastise myself daily for not getting any physical exercise. I have been off of school for about a month and lack of time between school and a full time job was once my reason for physical lethargy. Now I have no excuse. The only way to get more exercise is to start exercising. I've certainly gotten sedentary these days. As far as my ulcerative colitis, I had a flare a few months ago, but as of right now, I am doing really well. I still take my meds (sulfasalazine, 2x2) every day, and supplements, including probiotics, fish oil, multivitamin, and calcium. I've gotten even more sketchy about dairy products and have been trying not to push my luck. If I'm feeling wiiiild and craAaazy I'll take a Lactaid tablet and hope for the best. So far, so good. I don't want to totally give up dairy products, because I'm sure the less my body consumes, the more difficult it will be for my body to handle it. And dairy is delicious. Yet another physical development: I got an IUD (ParaGard) a few months ago. I'll spare you the details, but my body is adjusting and it's nice to be taking one less pill every day. I like the idea that my body is producing the natural chemicals it needs and isn't being influenced by hormones via pill. My family has started giving me sideways glances about this, because they like their clan to reproduce. I know I just turned 28, but I am soooo not in a place that I want to procreate right now. I don't know if I ever will be; just kind of rolling with it. Wondering if the maternal yearning will ever find me. So far, not so much. Dare I set a goal for the physical category? It feels so...committal! Which I am 'non.' I will just set the small goal of walking the dogs regularly, which is typically a mile. Not exactly gold-star life changing, but, meh. Baby steps, eh? (Fighting the urge to make a pun linking the ParaGard and my "baby steps" comment about exercising. Good thing for you I'm not clever enough to come up with something!)

Intellectual - I recently finished the Fall 2012 semester. I already got my Associate Arts degree in Spring 2012, but wasn't ready to leave the little pond of community college for the big pond that is a university. I still wasn't completely sold on my choice of major (social work), so a dragged my heels and thought I'd shuffle around and try some classes for a business major. "Why not?" said I. "I've been working in the business world for a long time; I should try my hand at business courses and see if I feel inspired to continue on that track!" said I. Turns out, it was one of the most mundane and grueling semesters of my life. I took accounting, macroeconomics and society & business. I passed them all with B, B, A, respectively, but felt drained and useless and (sometimes) stupid. I don't want my life to be so...formulated? Rigid? For-profit? Absent of human engagement? Whatever it was, I have taken a real step back. I stepped so far back, in fact, that I took this semester off. I am uncomfortable with transferring to a university because doing something new is scary and I'm complacent. Also, it's hella expensive, and I refuse to take out loans, so it will all be out of pocket. Also, the campus is far from my house and I would have to drive there in rush hour traffic in order to work around my work schedule, which is not flexible. This 'semester off' my goal is going to be to take another interest inventory (it's been a few years since my first one), reassess what I want for my life, look at applying for scholarships (which I've never done before so I'm just going to have to fumble my way through it), and apply to the university. The adviser I spoke with said I should have no problem getting in because I have pretty excellent grades. This aspect of my life is what is weighing most heavily on my mind.

Emotional - Hmm. I didn't realize how little I would have to say until reading the word 'emotional.' My whole life, I have always been into writing/journaling most intensely when I am struggling emotionally. I take it as a good sign that my inkwell has run dry. Honestly, I'm happy and comfortable in my life. I think all categories in the PIES outline funnel into this one. One thing that nags at me is the "more, more, MORE" my mind constantly pummels me with. I want myself to achieve more, academically, physically, and artistically (like jewelry making, perfecting the decor/design of my office, photography, family tree stuff, etc). I tend to veg out and watch tv or read rather than physically DOING things, and that bothers me more than anything. I guess one of my stronger emotions would be disappointment in myself for not living up to my full potential and taking the lazy path. Goals for this segment would be to create a simple schedule for artistic activities and force myself to follow through with it. It's mostly about breaking habits and creating a new routine. Once I get started on something I usually get lost in it and really enjoy myself.

Social - Being socially engaged is something I really love. But, as for friendships, I've kind of let most everyone drop by the wayside. I have always been much more close and comfortable around my family than with friends. I tend to be a very guarded person, and now that I'm out of the habit of social interaction, it is hard to convince myself to get back in. I'm feeling a little friend-phobic these days. I think I should let my hair down a little and try to hook up with some old friends. I do miss some of them quite a bit. Good folks. Back to the family thing - within the last 5 months, my mom has moved back to Phoenix from Texas and she is living with my aunt. Shockingly, I have been spending a lot of my free time at their place. There is constant action over there and, though it isn't the most wholesome environment, it feels very comfortable to me because I grew up in a very similar situation. I don't think most people would find it as engaging or natural as I do, but I'm happy she's here. In a way, I feel like it is a chance to repair a little bit of the damage between us. She hasn't cleaned up her act like I would like, but I am learning tolerance and telling myself that the only person who can change her lifestyle is her own self, and there's no need for me to let that take away a possible relationship or closeness between us. So far things have been going really well with that. (Let's pretend this is a smooth segue.) Richard and I have a friend who has started going out and feeding the homeless, and I'd like to get on board with that. When I was in high school I did a tiny bit of volunteer work at a soup kitchen and it was super rewarding. Another thing I've added to my list of things to accomplish is to start looking into becoming a foster parent. I don't think I would do anything with it at least before I'm finished with school (which will be a long time yet) but I know lots of kids out there need a safe place to lay their heads and I have some room, along with the desire to help a child in a position that I could have easily been as a child in if not for certain family members.

As a said at the beginning of this post, I'm including a photo of me taken on Thanksgiving 2012 to have a photo record of myself for 2012. Hooray for this post! It has been a nagging little devil since I first started thinking about it in, say, September? My life motto lately has been "I'll get it done...eventually." And that I did. That. I. Did.

Rockets, Baseball Bats, and Solid ground

School starts next week and I'm not signed up for any classes. Surprised? Me neither. I'm taking "flying by the seat of my pants" to a whole new level. It's as though I've packed my pants pockets with rockets and I'm lighting one every so often in order to reflect that moment when indecision cements itself into becoming a decision by default. Not that I'm not worried about it; I look for an opening every morning and evening in a class that I need, but this is what happens when you mega-procrastinate and switch majors a week before classes begin and spin around in circles with the tip of your nose on the end of a bat and then let go. WoOooaAah. Spinny. I wouldn't mind a little solid ground right now.

All Growed Up

The fall school semester is upon us. It's giving me some anxiety. I supposedly have enough credits to apply for my Associates. I'm dragging my heels. I think this is because once I have my Associates I will be pushed from the cozy nest I've made at a community college and plunged into the cold uncharted waters of a university. Universities cost more. The teachers are more intimidating (in theory). I don't know my way around the campus. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, even though I've already taken more time than your average go-getter would have taken. Being an adult is hard. I can scarcely decide what to wear in the morning; which toothpaste to choose in the grocery store; what I'm making for dinner. My free time is on autopilot. Now I have to choose a career path. I have to think and make grown up decisions and live with the consequences. I feel less at fault for potential failure if I just coast into the next open door, rather than reading the signs on the path, wiggling handles, picking locks that are intriguing. I want to get a dart board and paste my top ten choices on it, shoot, shoot, shoot a dart into my future. Make me feel less on-the-hook. How does one decide? I have been receding into the shadows of avoidance. I see neither bulls nor horns here. It is lukewarm and familiar and disappointing.

The Little Things

I've discovered that one of the funniest things about babies is their poop face. They toddle to a semi-private location and make an expression that fuses vulnerability with stress and concentration. Brows knit together. Cheeks flatten and the mouth pulls down at its corners. The baby poop face instigates a hard-to-restrain chortle from me every time. Rock on, poop face!

The Death Penalty

I tend to be very liberal about most social topics, but when it comes to the death penalty I don't mince words. I am a strong supporter of the death penalty when a crime is especially heinous. I've heard some recent interviews on the BBC regarding a new wave of Americans opposing the death penalty, and I truly can't wrap my head around it. We spend about $22,000.00 per year to house ONE prison inmate and it takes years to carry out the death sentence. I don't think they should be killing everyone who commits a murder, but certain depraved criminals are a drain on tax dollars and, frankly, a waste of air.
A couple of weeks ago, on 6/27/12, an Arizona inmate was put to death. Here is a description of his crime: "On October 29, 1986, Lopez broke into the apartment of 59-year-old Estafana Holmes. Lopez raped, beat, and stabbed Ms. Holmes. Her body was found nude from the waist down, with her pajama bottoms tied around her eyes. A lace scarf was crammed tightly into her mouth. She had been stabbed 23 times in the left breast and upper chest, three times in her lower abdomen, and her throat was cut. Lopez' body fluids matched seminal fluids found in Ms. Holmes' body." In my opinion, that person does not deserve to be alive. I can't understand why people advocate to abolish this form of punishment. I read about an artist who draws pictures of their last meals in order to protest. I wonder if that artist's opinion would change if they instead drew pictures of the crime scene. I don't mean to be so aggressive, but reading about that particular crime really set my blood to boiling.
I know there are some good rebuttals about why not to implement the death penalty. The most compelling of which are those folks who end up being proven innocent after years and even decades in prison. I think that our system is getting much more fine tuned due to DNA evidence and hope that the false conviction of innocent people is a thing of the past. Sadly, there's no way to be 100% certain. Jurors do their very best, but human error is unavoidable. What do you think of the death penalty? Feel free to disagree with me; I respect that everyone has a right to their own beliefs and will certainly respect yours. If you're interested in looking up further info on Arizona's executed inmates, here is the link.